Happy NewYear! 2011

New year is just next door and people are busy planning for the parties. Parties to welcome the coming year and bidding good bye to the year gone by, Whilst newspapers are full of instructions and news for spending the eve. Just went through the local papers for Pune and read that police force is taking extra care for the people celebrating new year party as they booze a lot and is a trouble for the society. I don't just understand that why parties always have to relate to booze and alcoholism. And specially those that need some kind of resolutions for new year, some extra efforts for us to make a new person, an improved individual and making life more and more comfortable more and more mature. Why should some police force be involved in making society or ourselves a good individual.

Well I may sound a bit orthodox while stating against alcohol. Sure have it but why not in limit? What is the point in celebrating the new year eve boozing so much that while driving it may be the end of life itself, then whats the point in welcoming new year if we are not going to be there at all to see that? Instead coming together and sharing the experiences of our own with friends,having fun together, enjoying mouth watering delicacies and resolute for new year where we want to be in future, sounds better to me. How can one resolute at all when the brains are totally fuzzy with alcohol, nope no way at all. Too much of anything is too bad....but who in this world understands the real meaning of life and its achievements....I know I might be a party pooper for many of those who are planning to totally booze this year...but sorry...this is how I am....

Quite frankly we should be thinking about all the values that one has to follow being a human being. The values which I mean are the ones not limiting to the culture, tradition or caste,but the values that a human being must follow to be a good citizen in the society. When we are kind of punished by the law for bad behaviour then what right we have to fight for our future? These thoughts definitely come to my mind when I read about the rave parties/ drunk and driving/ so called party bashes with hell of a chaos.

Well we are the ones making our own future and making our kids ready for it as well. So I personally think whether this is the example kids should have in front of them? Then going ahead we have to think twice ,I would say hundred times while expecting good returns from them. Think about it.

Happy new year!!

moment full of coffee...

Today Saturday, a regular yet extended weekend. Morning was spent as usual watching some TV stuff, and regular weekend chores. Not a busy day at all. But noon and evening was a bit looked forward to as some of the friends were to come visit us, and hence my day took off with planning and preparing later.

Evening covering all the events of the day as planned was tapering towards end. Hubby dear offered a cup of coffee to me and said lets chat for some time and then the day would retire as normal. But then a cup of coffee is never just a beverage, its more than that. Many things happen over coffee and same was the case. Nope, don't think wild, but we had a real good chat of ages over the coffee cup. Hot steaming brewed coffee was playing its perfect part and making our conversations more and more aromatic. We started with how the day was and overall events during. One memory leading to other making a chain which ended in our past. Our past which was more fresh, more young and full of life, making comparisons with today's life unknowingly. But surely we were not feeling bad or sad about today's situation, about today's life that we have.

We wondered in our then new days of life. We wondered like new couple in the garden of thoughts. We picked up delicate flowers of sweet moments we experienced together when we had just met. Out of which I would like state one here. In wee hours of night I would get calls from him stating he missed me and then that would follow with a beautiful gazal of Jagjit singh "Teir Aakhon ki samunder main utar jane de, tera mujarim hun main muze dub ke mar jane de"...Jagjit has played a really important part of our life and the moments to cherish for life long. Now when we look back and try to see our past, we are surely thankful to Jagjit :)

Then we talked on all other topics including politics, finance and songs..where there was no relevenace to the other.

But the whole conversation was so full of cherishable moments and refreshing memories that made my day! Alls well that ends well....of course with coffee. We concluded our day only to again start a new life full of vigour..picking up from where we had left the past...

Thank u hubby dear for one more wonderful moment in our life....which will be added to the chain of sweet memories in the scrap book of our life :)!! ....

Battle of two minds!!

"Boredom is a sickness the cure for which is work" yes I know that.I feel boredom is nothing but a lousy feeling. A feeling of laziness a feeling of emptiness. Today I was driving to my gym for a great and invigorating exercise. I had a fantastic workout schedule in front of me, but also had this lousy feeling in my mind. I wanted to but still not wanted to go to the gym. We have this experience many a times that we want to do something and yet we are lousy about it.I know I must exercise in order to keep me fit and running, make me feel fresh all the time. And I WANT to do it, not forcibly but by my will. And then why is there this lazy feeling, why is there this lack of drive sometimes?

This made my thinking process a bit longer and I started venturing inside me. I peeped within myself and tried to search where this unwanted feeling was sitting. My eyes were rolling internally all over to find that one spot which I wanted to get rid of. I have a lot of big list in front me of the things I want to do, I want to achieve and be proud of. I really want to enjoy all those things in my life and accomplish them for me. But then THIS feeling creeps in and there is no scope for me to do the things. I drag myself for daily chores and mundane routine.
My alert and active mind is always ready to take up new tasks and finish them and be happy with them. Reading all those inspirational books makes my alert mind more alert and wants to be one of those stories. But other mind which we call as is a bit laid back and not ready to work. So it makes me to think why does this not-so-great mind takes over the charge of my life and works things according to its will. My body acts just the way this not-so-great mind wants.And where is my brain at that time? Is my brain hypnotised my this evil mind during the process of no-progress. And where is this good and alert mind during this whole idiotic show?

I do wonder where from this lousy feeling creeps into my mind/body/brain? when do I allow this to happen? What am I busy with when this unwanted feeling or so called emotion plays with me? I kept thinking, how does this happen that I forget the feeling of excitement and makes myself feel bored. I don't want to be lazy,I do not like it. I like and love to be extremely busy enjoying every piece of my life, every activity I do and make most of my life outstandingly precious. 10 years down the line when I look back I want to see just the happy and satisfactory graph of my life. I know this, but for that I need to be on toes right now...then why this lazy feeling follows me many a times.....

I understand that I cannot pick up this feeling and pull it out of my mind/brain.....but I need to replace it with the feeling of enthusiasm, feeling of motivation, feeling of excitement ...but how?

I kept on thinking..and finding for an answer...but still left unanswered...do u go through this kind of situation in your life...then please let me know the answer if u are aware of one....

Angst!!

Warum soll man Angst haben?

Wovor soll man angst haben?

Vor einer Person hat man Angst.
Nur weil er Fremd ist?

Vor einer Schwierigkeit hat man Angst
Nur weil es so viel Mϋhe gibt?

Vor einer Dunkelheit hat man Angst
Nue weil man nicht klar sieht?

Vor einer prϋfung hat man Angst
Nue weil man keine Antwort weisst?

Aber eine fremde Person später
Ein guter Freund wird

Die Schwierigkeit wird auch gelöst

Die Dunkelheit bringt neuer Tag mit

Und die Prϋfung gibt den Erfolg.

Man muss darϋber denken,
Und nie in Zweifel hängen

Es gibt doch kein Leben ohne Angst
Aber wenn man nicht so denkt,
Hat man falsch vom Leben verlangt..

Communication....with kids..!

Talking to children sometimes is really tiresome or most of the times it is…. Yesterday I had the same conversation with my three year old daughter . When she came home from day care I was not able to find her tiffin in the bag. Usually it wont happen that way as the aunty in day care puts everything in the bag while leaving.

But yesterday it was not the case.

Me: Kim I am not getting your tiffin in the bag.

Kim: whyyyy??

Me: What “whyyyy”…why is your tiffin box not in the bag?

Kim: I don’t know.

Me: What do you mean by that? Did you have your lunch?

Kim : Yes I did.

Me: Then after eating did aunty put the box in the bag?

Kim: Yes.

Me: But then I cant find it.

Kim: Whyyy?

Me: I don’t know. Did you put the lunch box in someone else’s bag?

Kim: We all ate lunch together. (Well what was this?)

Now this was taking on my nerves.

Me: OK. You all had lunch together and then…?

Kim: Then we played. And Nandan had time out.

Me: Why did he have time out. Was he having your tiffin box?

Kim: I don’t know. Nandan, Neha and myself play together.

Aaahhhh..this was heading somewhere else. Don’t know where….

Me: Sweetie, last time I am asking where is your tiffin box?

Kim: I don’t like tiffin.

Me: I know that, but where is it?

Kim: Give me big strawberries in tiffin tomorrow.

Me: Sure I will, but first I have to find out where the box is right? So tell me where the box is?

Kim: Why are you asking me so many questions? We will get new tiffin box.

Me: (totally frustrated) Forget it I wont give you your favourite fruits in tiffin from tomorrow as we don’t have tiffin box.

Kim: I have pink tiffin box.

Me: WHERE??????

Kim: In the refrigerator.

Me: In the refrigerator? What is your lunch box doing in aunty’s refrigerator?

Kim: Mamma, not in aunty’s refrigerator, in our refrigerator.

Me: WHATTTTTTTT????

Kim: Yes, I kept the box in our refrigerator before leaving as the rice was too hot in it  ….

Then I ran out to see in the refrigerator and there it was sitting nicely on the lower rack…….

Me: Then whose lunch you had?

Kim: Nandan’s.

Me: And whose box was put in the bag by aunty?

Me: Neha’s.

I had no words……

Rain Rain!!

“Rain rain go away..Lil Jonny wants to play’….I know this is a nursery rhyme. But I always wondered about this poem. Is little Jonny not interested in playing in rain? Is he not interested in jumping in the puddles on the road? Is he not interested in playing with paper boats in the running water of rains? Well his choice. But as for me I always hated these lines since childhood. I like rain. I like trees in the rain, I like roads in the rain, and I like mountains in the rain. This is of course when I was in my teens. Where rains make you feel so romantic and forces you to pen down your heart.

But as a child as well I always wanted to go out when raining. I got wet all over and wanted to play. Making boats and sending them in running water outside the home was fun business then. Fully drenched coming home would be a fabulous experience as mom use to keep the “Bhajis” ready. Ohh what a day. Then slipping into dry clothes and having those bhajis with hot steaming tea was heaven.

Same is the feeling today. A rainy day is always a welcome in my world. If the day starts with rain then it’s a bonus. As a beautiful day breaking with sweet rhythmic droplets bouncing on the roof top is precious. Sometimes when it rains in the night I am awake watching through window. Ohh rain looks so different in the night. Have u ever seen that? Experience it. It’s lovely. In the morning the sun is out in the sky but hiding behind the dark clouds, as if taking a leave or so to say working from home . There but not there.

I like to drive in this weather, or at least go for a ride. The nature looks so different. So fresh, so close to me. All the lush green trees along with colorful ones are dripping water drops on the ground making it look like a show. The tree tops are waving to us with the wind making them move softly. Have you ever observed a typical activity during rains? At one time there will be a hard blow of wind and the raindrops will flash on your car screen or window panes with a loud noise. Aah that makes me feel so wonderful. I just have no words to describe how this makes my heart pull the strings. But I do enjoy that. Along with all the happy and merry flowers around I too take trills in my mind and cherish the moments.

A hot brewed coffee is one of the must-do thing in rain. The rich coffee aroma fills the air and drags me to have one more cup. Who cares how much caffeine my body is consuming as my heart is into action then. And exactly this is what I am about to do right now, this very moment. A big cup of steaming coffee with my eyes hooked on watching the "rainshow" outside….guyz you too are welcome to the show and not forgetting the coffee....

My baby-steps!!

Do remember the first steps u took when u just started walking? Every step u took was a centre of attraction and appreciation. U fell down one thousand times and took two successful steps…yaa I am talking when we started walking for the first time in life and that was adored by our parents and loved ones around, but hardly realized the adulation. We kept on practicing our walk every day and every minute of our life then, and finally see till where we have come. A complete 30 years of life. That’s an achievement.

U must be wondering why am I remembering those things right now. But I re-lived my childhood a few months back. I started to learn skating, and believe me it was a disaster for the first time. I never thought it would be so very difficult. I am an experienced walker and just wearing wheels would not hinder my experienced activity. This was the thought I had in mind. On first day I took my skate shoes, and sitting on the given bench wore them. I was ready to slide-on like seen on TV. Ohh what a feeling. Thinking about it I stood up, or did I really stand? I slipped off and fell off on the floor. Just could not get what happened. Thinking it was an accident I tried getting up and wanted to go to the counter to talk to the person about shoes. I managed taking small steps taking the support of the wall there.

Finally reached the counter and was talking to the person concerned and god knows what happened again and I was lying on the floor straight on my back with my feet up high in the air. The person at the counter must have thought that I was talking to this lady a second ago and where has she vanished. But I guess he must have had so many such experiences like mine. And there I was lying still waiting to get some help to stand up. My husband came running and tried pulling me up. Oh my gosh, just could not get it. He then literally held me by my arms and made me stand.

I had mixed emotions then, wanted to cry aloud as my back was completely out as I hit it directly on the floor and also wanted to laugh insane as it was a total fiasco in front of all the skaters who were very young in age and were not getting why this lady keeps on falling every now and then. People around must have had a great show. It was practically an outburst for my husband that day. I literally fell down at least 20 times in those 10 minutes. And I was nervous now, as it was becoming more and more difficult for me to even stand. But then I kept on practicing. I now go every weekend for skating and can stand on my own and try to move ahead as well.

But this was one great experience in life where I learnt that whatever it takes to know about new skills we have to go on. The best motivation for me was my husband who kept on encouraging me every time I fell and my daughter who had no fear at all wearing wheels. She was so comfortable with it and swept through the floor smoothly. She was not even aware that she might fall as children do not know fear of anything,. And that’s what probably they do things successfully. I had fear in mind the very moment I wore those skates that I might fall. But I learnt again be fearless, I know it’s a bit tough at our age, but try to be fearless and things are easy.

And that’s how I re-lived my childhood steps, my first baby-steps with the only difference of being conscious of what would people say around me if I fall……….but succeeded.

Break Free!

Like the rain
after summer

I want to break free

Like a small plant
That grows into big tree

I want to break free

Like a child
Crying out loud

I want to break free

Life is suppressed
I need to fight
Holding back emotions
I will fight

Yes, I will fight
As I want to break free…..

Health Is Wealth!!

Mens sana in corpore sano….a healthy mind in a healthy body, is a phrase we know since we started understanding the language. This is a Latin phrase which shows that this principle was agreed or followed since a very long time. Such quotes are on the tip of our tongue and are used very liberally. But do we follow what we say? We just believe that a healthy body is required to hold a healthy life.

How many of us actually have a healthy life? With no bounds to the age I guess almost everyone has some or the other issue going on with his/her health. People of older generation I suppose were surely more healthy and fit than our generation. I might not be perfect in statistics but more than fifty percent of our generation and next are under some stress..mental as well as physical. Agreed the life style is hectic, everything is uncertain, life is at stake sometimes when you are on the road. But this gives me a chance to think more rigorously about doing exercise and being fit.

Inspite of knowing the benefits of exercise and fitness why do we embrace lazing around and being a couch potato. Our health always seems much more valuable after we lose it. The other day I was watching a program on TV, a health and fitness program by Zonya Foco one of the top nutrition leader. During her show she gave wonderful information about how to maintain yourself fit with 8 habits to follow religiously. She was going on and on for two hours explaining the importance of the choices of food and reading labels on food while buying. We take food and our choices for so granted that we overlook some facts which we are already aware of. The show was extremely informative and I learned many things to follow in my life and to which I have now decided to stick.
In the end she talked about her motivation. How does she keep herself motivated all the time? She showed pictures of her mother who is 72 years old running a 10k marathon. These are pictures her mother sends her and she gets inspired all the time. Also she mentioned that there was lady who was 92 years old and completed a 5k marathon.

There was one more show which aired marathon and in which there were people who were suffering from severe diseases and yet could complete the race on determination. Some had cancer, some had paralysis, but recovered and got into the gear and won. Seeing all this makes me think of how granted we take our health and body. Think about the people who are not able to walk due to some unfortunate event, people who are less blessed, and we would be out of our sleep getting up and kicking us off to the track for a run.
So better late than never…get up guys and get going….health is the biggest asset so cherish it..!!

Die gestohlene Natur!

Frisches Wasser
Wissen wir nicht

Dichte wälder
Wissen wir nicht

Reine Luft
Was ist das?

Es gab Ruhe
Das war gesagt,

Wir haben alles gehört
Aber Nichts gesehen

“mama, es gab “Natur”,
Hast du das gesehen?
Kannst du das Zeigen?”

Erwidert mama…
Das war ein Schatz
Aber leider kaan ich
Nichts zeigen

Wir sind dafϋr verantwortlich
Wir sind doch daran schuldig!!

सावली

वटवृक्षाच्या सावलीखाली

बरीच माणसं निजायची

सगळ्या चिंता दूर सारून

निश्चिंत पणे सुखायची

वटवृक्षाच्या फांदीवर

अनेक पक्षी बसायचे

रणरणत्या उन्हापासून

लांब रहायला बघायचे

शांत सावलीची शाल पांघरून

सारेच ईथे विसावायचे

पण वटवृक्षाचा विचार मात्र

कधीच कोणी केला नाही

तळपत्या उन्हात सुधा

त्याला मात्र सावली नाही

म्हणूनच की काय कोण जाणे

वळवाचा पाउस यायचा

तेवढाच वटवृक्षाला सुखावून जायचा

शेवटी माणूस का दुसर्याचा विचार करणार

तिथे निसर्गच निसर्गाला तारणार !!

........!!

That day I was going through my mails as any other day. A mail that was an outstanding bill, another showing some pictures sent by my friend, one just a forward from some friends and now I bumped into this mail from my share broker. I wouldn't have bothered much if it would have had a usual topic like 'stock market bullish", or "broker newsletter" or so, but the mail was addressed to me personally with the subject "our client in US"...haan interesting. So I opened not knowing what it would contain. The broker had mentioned about someone in US who was his client and was having some problem with the broker site and needs some help, and requesting me some help. I agreed to the mail saying that yes I would call this person mentioned in the mail and help if I can. And this is how I came across this new friend of mine Mr.Thatte. I dropped a formal mail saying that I would help out in case of problem. Then on we started exchanging mails related to our common topic how the broker site gives problems and why these people don't do anything about it and so on. Then we started exchanging forwards and good reads with each other. I started sending mails of common interest to Mr.Thatte, addressing him the same "Mr.Thatte". May be after a couple of months we exchanged phone numbers and once talked on phone. Thats it, it was just one time we talked, and again back to mails. But by then we had developed a good relation and wanted to share more things. Then we exchanged snaps to know to what face we were talking to. As I am the person who never wants to shoot in dark, I also wanted to know the face I was interacting with.

Along with the photograph I also received a write-up about where Mr.Thatte had been on his visit in America. The article written by him was so impressive and me being interested in reading got more closer to him and his writings. At that time I realised my new friend..or we can say email-friend was 68 years old. Till then no one could even doubt that age ever matters in a good friendship. I was more eager to talk and exchange mails on different topics and subjects. He has a flair for writing and I am interested in good reading. This need was matched and I became a regular follower of his mails and write-ups. Now this was going on virtually. No meeting in person. I had not seen him or met him personally. When he and Mrs.Thatte was back in India I handed over my parents his contact number and asked them to contact him. They met and had a good time. Then there was a whole new line of mails to be exchanged. Meeting my parents, their views, their topics and his views on the same. It was fun to read his mails and knowing that my friend is meeting my parents and yet stranger to me. During these mail give and take I never got to know when my address to him changed from Mr.Thatte to Thatte kaka.....it was only when I realised while typing a mail to him ,...I already had addressed him with more warm relation.

Last year I had a chance to visit India and this was one interesting event to look forward to. Meeting Thatte kaka and kaku. The couple to whom I was so close already that I always felt as if we had some much in common that we are in one family. Practically this was the feeling when I left for India. And the day arrived when we scheduled an informal meet at his place. I was all excited to meet, see, talk to kaka and kaku. Finally arriving at their doors was one of the most awaited event looked forward to. A strange friendship now turning into a family relation. I carried Mogra plant as gift with a whole thought that the fragrance of our friendship remains forever with us. Thatte kaka is one of kind person. A person with strong personality, strong principles. He is so updated with the reading that a book of any kind is already read by him. My knowledge about books and authors is pretty limited as compared to him. Name a book and he knows it. May it be any topic science, fiction, health, religion and what not. He has a varied collection of all types of books and he never says no to pick up anyone and take it home for reading. I have read so many good books just because of him and would continue to do the same. Not only books but movies is also a subject of his interest. English, marathi, hindi ...any type of movie and he will tell u whats in there. I also saw a few movies because of him and kaku. When back in India I sometimes use to feel down and low I use to call them and talk to them ....kaku use to tell me...Prajakta just relax, have a cup of hot steaming coffee and watch a nice rejuvenating movie...all will be fine."
I also exchanged many good recipes with kaku. I mean she gave me so many good ones, I have yet to try.

Kaka also motivates me in may aspects. I inspires me to write, he is the one who always has an ear to what I want to say and also says what needs to be done right. He is a good and strict follower of diets and exercise.I have seen that myself. And again that is one more thing I take from him. He not only will talk what u should do but would set an example by doing it by himself. I saw how strict he is with his regular diet and exercise regime...and that adds some motivation I need...

One remarkable thing about kaka kaku's relationship I like to admire is that even at this age both of them are totally in tune. In most of the mails kaka would appreciate kaku for some or the other thing, and would consider himself lucky to have her. Isn't that a real ideal relationship one should have? I would love mine to be the same.

This is one of the friends of course kaka and kaku whom I appreciate the most. So many things to learn from them and so many things to cherish. There are so very few people on this earth who impress others, who influence others, and yet are modest. They are the epitome of human life and this is no exaggeration. I would never ever miss a moment spending with such people.

Long live our friendship kaka n kaku .....be there for me n forever!!

Coming To America!

I was busy working on my cut-throat deadlines in the office. Boss was almost up on the high as always. Everybody tensed was working under client pressure. We needed a break..a much desired one. A cup of hot steaming coffee, a stroll in the campus but no mercy when deadline is up. Just then I received a phone call from my husband and that very second I was floating in the air inspite of pressure on me. Had jitters all over my body. Not knowing what to do just sat in my seat already flying across the continents. Yes the phone call said my husband was to be in America within a month for a long term assignment and me to join him later in next month.
My dream was coming true. I always wanted to travel across. I want to be a globe totter,learning the cultures, languages, cuisines of different places. That was the reason I learnt German language. But visiting Germany is yet a distant dream. Never mind, at least one country to tick mark on my list. That day I returned from office with lots of thoughts in my mind. How would this experience be? would I be able to travel alone? How would I react the moment I would enter new place? What should I take along? So many thoughts filling up mind. Just waiting to meet my husband and dusting off the queries.

And the day arrived. After being apart for almost two months I was finally to board the plane to join my husband in a beautiful place called Portland...far west of America. I could even today practically feel tos butterflies n my stomach, my knees weakening, me sweating and full of anxiety before stepping into the plane. It was my first experience flying alone so far. Bidding goodbye planes to the tearful eyes of my parents boarded the plane taking along with me the eventful past and now getting ready for an unknown yet most awaited future. My halt was scheduled at Paris. Highly excited about practically stepping on the lands of fashion I climbed down from the plane. My next connecting flight was to fly about four hours later, but learnt that due to some unexpected event it was going to be late by eight hours. And that was the first shock of my journey.I didn't know what to do. Had no experience at all. I kept myself seated in the airport with a blank mind not knowing how to kill the time.

Those eight hours were the longest I ever experienced. I would feel my watch was at a complete stop and time was just reluctant to move. But finally as per the principle of everything has an end, my eight hours finally ended and I boarded another plane to land in Cincinnati, my first destination in my dreamland America. There after leaving the flight I again realized my next connection was again late by some hours just making my travel more and more miserable. The more my mind ran with the faster speed than jet the more late my plane would be. I started feeling claustrophobic in those walls of airport. I wanted to run wherever I could. I just wanted to move ahead. Then finally the last last flight available I sat in the plane to Portland.
All my eyes set on arrival stand already looking for my husband I dozed off to sleep after a long tiresome journey. At that time I just didn't want to think of anything. Wanted to put a full stop to my thought process and lie still.With the heavy head and sleepy eyes I got up to know that I was already on the airport ready to get out and meet my dream. I slowly collected myself and came out of plane my eyes going all around to find a known face. With mixed feelings I also came to know one of my bags was missing and had to track back what had happened. But I was least bothered as now I had another person with me to take care of my worries unlike all through the trip. Finally my lost bag, my impatiently waiting husband and myself came together. I just had no words to say anything. It was a feeling of winning the lost dream. I still have the feeling in my heart as back then. I still can smell as on airport the then....the rich taste of coffee which I didn't know back then the famous Starbucks. I still can feel the slight rain that I felt while getting down from the cab when arrived at our place. and would never forget the happy expression on my husband's face and his first words...."Welcome sweetheart to your dreamland.....!".....entire credit of fulfilling my dream goes to him!!

कळे ना!

हळुवार भावना त्या

थिजल्या कुठे कळेना,

अलवार स्वप्नं सारी

मिटली कुठे कळेना,

प्रेमाच्या गावा जावे

तर पाऊल का वळेना,

शांती ना जिवाला

मन स्थिर का वसेना,

प्रेमात पडावे परतुनी,

तर प्रियाही दिसेना

मन!

आयुष्यात काहीतरी करुन दाखवायचं. करिअरला अगदी प्राणापेक्षा महत्व द्यायचं, आणि यशाच्या शिखारापर्यंत पोहोचायचं, असं माझं स्वप्न. कहिहि झालं तरी आशा सोडायची नाहि, प्रयत्न कमी पडु द्यायचे नाहित. प्रायत्न जोरात चालु होते, पण स्वप्नपुर्ति च्या जवळपास पण मी नव्हते. मन खिन्न व्हायचं, आपल्या जवळ असलेल्या टेलेंटचं काय करायचं असे प्रश्न ऊभे रहायचे. त्यातुन लोकंच्या वेगवेगळ्या अपेक्षा आपल्याला पुर्ण करता येत नहित म्हणुन काहुरलेलं मन. किति किति म्हणुन सोसायचं, मनावर निराशेचं जणु मळाभ साठलेलं. निराश मनाचं प्रतिबिंब चेहर्यावर घेउन फ़िरायचं. चार लोक विचारयचे, अगदि आपलेपणाने "काहिच कसं घडत नाहि तुझ्या जीवनात?, कुठे तरी चुकत असशील मार्ग शोधायला.". पण हे आपले पणाने विचारलेले प्रश्न सुधा बोचयचे. अगदी कुणाला भेटु नाहि असं वाटायचं.

सुन्न झालेल्या मनाबरोबर मग मी चार गोष्टी करायच्या ठरवल्या. अंर्तमनात डोकावायचं ठरवलं. लोकं काहिहि बोलले तरी माझं मन मलाच ओळखायचं होतं. शेवटी माझं आयुष्य मलाच सावरायचं होतं. शांत नदिच्या काठि रम्य वातावरणात मी जाऊन बसले. सुखावणारा वारा मनावरचा ताण कमी करत होता, खळखळ पाण्याचा आवाज मनातले विचार मांडत होता. नीरगाठ सुटावीतशी मग माझ्या मनातील प्रश्नांच्य गाठी सईलसर होत होत्या. सरासर विचार मनाला हलका करत होता. काय हवं आहे आणि काय मिळणार आहे याचीं नीट मांडणी होत होती. ह्यातच मला जाणवलं, की मला बरच काही हवं आहे. आणि ते मला मिळत नाहि म्हणुन मन त्रासतय. त्याच क्षणी मला महारीर बुध्दांचा विचार आठवलां " माणसाच्या दुखाचां खरं कारण म्हणजे त्याने केलेल्या अपेक्षा". मगमाझ्या डोळ्यासमोर मी केलेल्या अपेक्षांचा डोंगर ऊभा राहीला. समाजात मला लोकांनी मान द्यावा हि अपेक्षा, मान मिळवण्यासाठी हवा असलेला पैसा, त्यासाठी वाट्टेल ती नोकरी करयाची तयरी, अगदि स्वाभिमान विकुन काम करण्याची तयारी, त्यात मला समाधान मिळत आहे का नाहि ह्याकडे झालेले दुर्लक्ष, का तर माझ्याकडुन माझ्याच लोकांनी केलेलि अपेक्षा. त्यामुळे अलेली निराशा आणि निराशेपाई घालवलेले माझा जीवन.

देवानं दिलेलं हे सुंदर जीवन मी वाया घलवू पहात होते. पण चार लोकांसारख साचेबध जीवन मला नको आहे. मला माणुस म्हणुन जगायचं आहे. मशीन वजा माणसाला आयुष्याच्या सुंदरतेची आणि निर्मळतेची काय चव. पुढे जायची ईछा माझी पण आहेच, पण म्हणुन माणुसकी आणि आपली माणसं मला मागे टाकायची नाहित, हे मला जाणवलं. फ़ुलपाखरा सारख आयुष्य मला भावतं. जीथे जाइल तिथे रंग़ बहरतं; त्याला जीवनात काहितरी करुन दाखावायची ईर्शा नसेल कदाचित, पण दुस्याना सुख देण्यात ते आपल्या पेक्षा नक्किच यशस्वी आहे. हळु हळु मी विचारातुन बाहेर येत होते, मनावरचा ताण कमी होत होता, मन हलकं वाटत होतं. अगदि फ़ुलासारखं. मी नदिकाठुन ठरवुनच उठ्ले. मला अता जीवन जगायचं नाही, तर ते फ़ुलवायचं आहे. भोवतालच्या फ़ुलांचा सुगंध घेउनच मी निघाले, माझ आयुष्य सुगंधी फ़ुलवण्यासाठी आणि माझ्या माणसांना आनंद देण्यासाठी.